In early January I made my mind up. I was going to make a concerted effort to follow the Kevin Bacon driven vehicle The Following. This decision was made partly out of devotion to Bacon for his excellent work in the (highly underrated) film “The Air Up There” (arguably the seventh best basketball film ever made) and partly because I wanted to make a genuine effort to add a bit of suspenseful programming to my life. I guess I am the type of person who considers watching hour long thrillers to be a legitimate and worthy goal, as opposed to getting myself in better shape or learning a new language. All three are, indeed, worthy of setting my sights on, but The Following was going to be first.

I oft myself often seeking refuge in the serialized 21 minute situation comedy and, I mean, why wouldn’t I? The plots are easy to digest and the characters are all attractive, funny, and smart. Situation Comedy stars are capable of coming up with more one liners in a two minute conversation than I could in an entire year and are intelligent/talented enough to land high paying jobs that afford the luxury of living in hip lofts, yet allow them plenty of time for their trivial escapades.

 Shows like The New Girl and Happy Endings are always on my radar for these reasons. With Breaking Bad nearing its series culmination and Mad Men never producing enough episodes to keep me satisfied, I hoped that The Following was going to be the next big thing for me.  However, I quickly realized that it was not. After three episodes, and roughly 120 minutes, I was quite certain that it was not going to quench my thirst for suspense and that I never wanted to think about it again. Kevin Bacon is the living example that it doesn’t matter how many films you have appeared or noteworthy people you have worked with (Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game/theory) that you are only as good as your last performance and Bacon’s most recent run on television is not something he will want to be remembered by. The Following takes the gore of  B rate horror film mixes it with a cliché cult figure and attempts to establish  Dr Gregory House precedence. You know the “I am in A-hole, but I am so good at my job that it doesn’t matter” trait. The Following left me more disappointed than I had been since Christmas 2001 when my parents bought me a RAD robot and I saw that all it could do was bring small cans of Coke at an absurdly slow rate.

 Yet, something has come and lifted my spirits. A show has filled the void that The Following was incapable of.  It has debuted on a network that has slowly become synonymous was failure and although I have only viewed the pilot episode to date, I am almost certain that this show will require an hour of my weeks’ time for years to come.

If you would have predicted a few months ago that I would be so on board with a show that……

A)           Is a spinoff off a franchise that has already birthed three unnecessary sequels to date and has not been relevant in twenty years

B)            Is on NBC. The network that this year brought you Animal Practice, Guys with Kids, and (the near to my heart) Betty White’s Off Their Rockers

C)            Has Lawrence Fishburne in a prominent role

I probably would have given a “whatchu you talking about Willis” type of look and then walked away shaking my head, but despite the odds, it seems that Hannibal is a quality show that deserves your time and may be around for the long haul.

Hannibal debuted on April 4th at ten o’clock on NBC to roughly four million viewers, already placing in in the pantheon quasi-successful NBC shows. The basis of the plot will not shock, nor surprise anyone who has watched any of the previous Hannibal Lecter related films (particularly Manhunter, Silence of the Lambs, and the Red Dragon). Hugh Dancy stars as criminal profiler William Graham who, through his past work, has earned the attention of Dr. Jack Crawford of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Graham excels in the art of tracking down killers because he has the innate ability to think like a psychopath and empathize with them. Graham and Crawford eventually venture north to Minnesota  in hopes of tracking down the person responsible for the recent wave of missing college girls. What they find is both disturbing and raises many questions about both the case and Graham’s ability to track down the killer.

Enter stage right, Dr. Hannibal Lecter, played by Mads Mikkelsen, renowned forensic psychiatrist who has been brought in to work in unison with Graham on the case. Lecter takes an immediate shine to Graham as he senses that they have certain “similarities” in their personas. Dr. Lecter, while seeming slightly offbeat, appears to be trustworthy enough and seems to truly understand how killer’s minds function. The two form a partnership and begin to further investigate the case. While what they discover about the case is definitive, the two men’s relationship certainly is not as they both harbor secrets that will fuel the show for episodes to come.

Hannibal works on several different levels, but primarily it’s the performances of Hugh Dancy and Mads Mikkelsen as Graham and Lecter that stand out. Dancy excels as the curt,  yet fragile criminal profiler who , through a series of flashbacks and imagined sequences, we learn is on the edge of a breakdown. Mikkelsen offers a cool, calm, and collected demeanor that does not attempt to out do his predecessors (Brian Cox and Anthony Hopkins). Mikkelsen through his mannerisms and drawn out speech is incredibly creepy, yet fairly likeable in the limited time we see him throughout episode one. The supporting cast does not “wow” in the way that the leads Dancy and Mikkelsen do, but Lawrence Fishburne comes out well as Jack Crawford is a performance that, while not flashy, gets the job done.

In addition to the performances, the overall aesthetic quality of the show must be noted. The cinematography and images are incredibly appealing to the eye. The scenes are very fast paced and edited in a way that never really allows the audience to relax. Hannibal is does not overdose on the blood or gore aspects of the genre in the ways that The Following did, but that’s not to say that there aren’t disturbing scenes.

Hannibal’s first episode should leave viewers very optimistic about the future outlook of the series. The roots have been planted and the characters are slowly beginning to be developed, slowly but surely secrets will be revealed and truths exposed. With Dunder Mifflin closing its Thursday night doors in a matter of weeks, seek refuge in the furthest possible thing from Scranton Pennsylvania and jump on the Hannibal bandwagon. There is plenty of room.

I don’t feel well, blogosphere. Things are not right in the world of your (noble, handsome, humble) narrator.

My current state of dissatisfaction has two contributing factors that have brought me to where I currently am. The first involves a weekend of debauchery in the windiest of cities. CHI-town (as the locals call it) has me in a state of zombie like benevolence. The establishments I frequented last evening ate me alive, and I was all too happy to supply the required utensils. It’s been the kind of day where you realize that you’ve put your shirt on inside out, but the prospect of turning it the right seems too exhausting to consider.

Adam Dietz, probably

The second, and far more relevant, cause of my grief is not an ailment, per se, but is an experience that I have deprived myself from. As a (self-proclaimed) television aficionado, I take pride in my knowledge of current and past television shows and genuinely enjoy the experience of watching episodes, seasons, and entire series of shows. With all of this said, I am missing an important piece to the popular culture puzzle. It seems that through inexplicable circumstances, I have not tasted the sweet dish that is/was HBO’s The Wire. How is it possible that a man with such love for television and popular culture hasn’t seen a show of such high acclaim? I have decided to right this wrong and cure this injustice. Tonight and for many days and nights to follow, I will be watching this former premium cable darling and writing posts that will detail my journey.

These sporadic Wire related posts will most likely come every four or five episodes (roughly the same amount of days) and will follow no linear structure whatsoever. I will not so much be reviewing the shows, but more sharing the experience of “binging” on a show referred to by many as one the greatest to ever air. I will talk about the quality of characters, strengths and weaknesses of the show, random observations, where are they now segments, and anything else that may strike me as noteworthy. I will critique in a non-critical sense, that’s not to say that if I find something foolish or disagree with a production choice that I will not air my grievance, but to do episode by episode reviews of a show that has been off the air for five years would probably not bring much of a readership. The Wire is this show that has been reviewed and dissected by thousands before me and I suspect that if I were to hold the show under a critical microscope then these posts would come out very mundane.

Fortunately, I have managed to avoid any/all spoilers relating to The Wire these past ten years. This will aid my experience and add to the authenticity of the experience. Many other shows in the past (Breaking Bad, Mad Men, The Sopranos) that I have watched years after their initial release, I have had too much background information coming in. With The Wire, this will not be an issue as I only know three things about the show:

1)         There is a character named Omar who some people seem to like.

2)         It takes place in Baltimore.

3)         A man  named David Simon created the show and has since created another HBO show called Treme.

That’s it. I am coming into The Wire with as close to no knowledge on it as is possible and this is for the better. I am fairly certain that I had seen the final Sopranos scene in the diner several times before I had even been introduced to Tony. With twitter, Facebook, and other social media platforms it is nearly impossible to avoid such “spoilers’ but The Wire, because it was on HBO and never featured any A-list Hollywood players, it seems to have flown under the radar during its initial run. It has since gained a following by way of On Demand syndication, the release of season DVD sets and word of mouth. I’m not going to call it a “cult classic” because it had its devout followers during its initial airing, but is certainly more highly revered now then it was from 2002-2008.

The Wire has five seasons and spans 60 episodes each running about an hour in length. Due to the current state of my life (I am not very busy) I believe it possible for me to watch the entire by the first week of May. It equals out to about an episode per day. A lot of this, of course, is dependent on availability and my schedule.

Adam Dietz is the only guy in the world who would look at this picture and be like “oh, that guy from season 3 of Community!!”

If you have not seen The Wire then I encourage you to join me on this journey. I look forward to taking in this renowned show. If you have any suggestions for the column or anything that you would like to see me discuss then do not hesitate to let me know. This is going to be a very loosely structured column, so things are subject to change. I would like to open up the Wire conversation by encouraging viewer mail. Send your thoughts, questions, and comments to mradamdietz@gmail.com and maybe they’ll find themselves in an upcoming post. No spoilers please!

Thanks for reading ladies and gents. For the first time since my college graduation, I’ve got a deadline to meet. I’ll be posting again in a couple of days and hopefully by that point I will know who this mysterious Omar character is and find out why everyone seems to think so highly of him.

A special thanks to Joe Stando for allowing me to use his blog as a platform. Read his Sandwich reviews while you’re perusing the site, they are a delight.

Gravity Falls tells the story of Mabel and Dipper Pines (Kristen Schaal and Jason Ritter, respectively), twin 12-year-old siblings who have been shipped off for the summer to the town of Gravity Falls, Oregon, to live with their great-uncle “Grunkle” Stan (series creator Alex Hirsch). Stan runs the Mystery Shack, an overpriced tourist trap filled with sideshow oddities and other scams. But when Dipper discovers a mysterious journal written by an explorer in the town’s past, he discovers Gravity Falls holds some mysteries of its own, including gnomes, time travelers, and secret presidents.

I know it may sound kind of dry, but trust me, this is one of the funniest cartoons on TV right now. The new wave of creator-driven animation has taken longer to hit Disney’s studios than others (I feel like Phineas and Ferb is the first real auteur work they’ve had), but series creator Alex Hirsch is clearly pulling from his own vision, as well as his experience and comedic sensibilities from his work on The Misadventures of Flapjack. The humor here veers pretty slapstick at times, but also has a level of intelligence to it, with puns and gags that remind me of golden-age Simpsons. The tone and world of the show is malleable enough to accommodate broad sight gags and small, naturalistic dialog bits. And as much as I love Adventure Time and Regular Show, their sheer level of absurdism and non-sequitor humor can be daunting for the uninitiated. Gravity Falls has a solid, accessible premise and cast of characters, and is easy to pick up for an episode or two.

The characters are cute and well-developed, but the standout here is Mabel. Dipper is presented as more of the lead protagonist, and Jason Ritter does a good job of giving him the awkward charms of adolescence. But this frees up Mabel to be “the wacky one” in the best way, and Kristen Schaal is more than up to the task. I’ve liked her before, both in straight comedy like The Flying Conchords and 3o Rock and doing vocal work in Bob’s Burgers, but Mabel plays to Schaal’s goofy strengths in a way no other character does. Her obnoxiousness and teasing bits are tempered with sweetness and enthusiasm. Both of them are fun and likeable in a genuine way, without the kind of bite you get from Looney Tunes-type characters.

Overall, Gravity Falls is one of the best animated series on TV right now, up there with the best Cartoon Network has to offer. New episodes air Fridays at 9:00, definitely check it out.

ADAM: I would like to start things off with a few irrationally over the top statements regarding these two episodes.

JOE: Go for it.

ADAM: Perhaps my disposition was sunny on account of a full night’s sleep and copious amounts of morning coffee, but these two episodes were head and shoulders above the pack this season. I think the “Leslie and Ben” wedding episode was one of my top five Parks of all time. It was probably the coffee because I’m pretty sure at one point, I caught myself thanking Hulu aloud for allowing me the option to select my own commercial viewing pleasure. Whatever it was, Joe, these episodes scratched a much needed itch.

JOE: At this point, most Parks and Rec episodes end with my on the verge of happy tears, but “Leslie and Ben” was the one to finally push me over a little bit. I’ll admit I was nervous, with the show kind of surprising us with this pivotal of a moment, but by the end of the cold open and the gag about taking Ben’s last name, I was sold.

ADAM: I completely know what you’re saying. I felt like the final image of “Leslie and Ben” where the entire department is passed out from inebriation would have been an acceptable end to the series altogether. Of course, I’m glad it was not. Leslie’s face when Ben told her he had always wanted her to take on his name last night was priceless. Where would you rank losing Knope as a last name among Leslie’s greatest fears? It has to be near the top, somewhere between being locked in a room with Councilman Jamm and having Jerry run the department.

JOE: Yeah, I’ve been seeing reports than NBC is passing on another season, which while it’s kind of disappointing is also a relief, since I don’t know when their insane streak of topping themselves is going to run out, but I wouldn’t want to be there to see it.

ADAM: I’ve heard rumblings of that as well, but with The Office on its way out and the Dwight Schrute spin-off dead on arrival, I am not sure what else they can turn to. Maybe Whitney?

JOE: …

ADAM: Kidding!

JOE: I kind of doubt they’re going to make any more new shows at all at this point, instead they’ll just continue to tweak Up All Night into more of a Frankenstein’s Monster. My favorite part of Parks and Recreation as a whole has always been the way the character relationships grow and strengthen over time, and a lot of this episode was kind of the payoff to that. Leslie asking Ron to give her away, although kind of predictable, was nonetheless one of the show’s best moments. Also, when did they establish that Leslie’s father had died? I feel like it’s a retcon that was inserted later, and that she referenced him in early episodes.

ADAM: The surprise wedding wasn’t much of surprise, but I liked it as well.

JOE: There were a ton of wonderful little gracenotes, from Leslie’s dress to JJ’s diner to the Lil’ Sebastian impersonator. It was almost like a montage, but not in a cliche, annoying way. Speaking of montages, I really liked the brief black and white flashbacks during their vows. It could’ve easily veered into the overdone sappiness of later season Scrubs, but it stayed classy.

ADAM: Personally, I am not a huge montage guy. I think it worked in the sense that it showed the brief history of Leslie and Ben, but the black and white color tone bothered me (unsure as to why) and I am not sure that the flashbacks were needed as they have only been together for a season or so. All of those memories should be fresh in our minds.

JOE: Fair enough.

ADAM: Really solid Tommy Haverford moments. Steve Harvey and Seacrest…Stevecrest was one of my favorite lines.

JOE: Oh man, the only thing better than Tom Haverford is Jerry Grgich trying (and failing) to do Tom Haverford.

ADAM: Would you be in favor a Jerry spin-off because I totally would? He has slowly become one of my favorite characters on the show. It’s hard to say if his schtick would work without such a great cast.

JOE: Jerry’s character and interactions are the kind of thing a lesser show would turn into a mean bullying gag, but Tom O’Heir and the rest of the cast pull off enough sincerity at the right moments to totally make him work. I also love that he’s an ordained minister, just adding another layer to his full, happy life outside of work.

ADAM: Smoking wife. Beautiful daughter. Ordained minister. Jerry is like the “Entourage” fellas who truly seem to have it all!

JOE: He’s pretty well-endowed too, don’t forget!!

ADAM: Do you agree that P and R is at its finest when the department is forced to meet a deadline and Leslie delegates tasks to each member of the group?

JOE: Probably, especially when it lets them showcase less common character pairs. Leslie and Ann is fun, and Leslie and Ron is fun, but Ron and Ann is priceless.

ADAM: Fortunately for viewers, this is almost every episode. For example in “Leslie and Ben” you’ve got Andy and April on a mission to find marriage licenses and Tommy attempting to become ordained. It might be a little scattered as far as keeping a consistent plot, but as a fan of (pretty much) the entire cast, I love episodes like this.

JOE: Yeah, even an episode like this with a clear endpoint has loads of opportunities for B and C plots, which is great.

ADAM: The Ann sperm donor plotline is being severely dragged out and I don’t think the payoff will have any dividends for the time the show runners have spent covering it.

JOE: On the one hand, I think it’s a unique idea for a plot, and breaks the “Ann dates somebody” cycle, but yeah, I haven’t really been impressed with it. As much as I like whenever they write Ann as an awkward weirdo, and bringing Nick Kroll back, it needs to wrap up.

ADAM: Yeah, Nick Kroll’s cameo role on Parks and Rec is probably one of the funnier things he’s done, Kroll Show included.

JOE: Kroll Show has had about one or two funny punchlines per episode, which is ROUGH for a sketch show. I loved his as the fooseball-obsessed German exchange student on Community though.

ADAM: Nick Kroll is an untapped commodity. I always tell people that I like him and find myself standing up for him (In the many Nick Kroll related arguments that I get in…..not), but I think I like the idea of him more than Kroll himself. Kind of like Chris Mintz-Plasse with Coke in Role Models.

JOE: “Correspondents’ Dinner” was a more classic, low-stakes Parks and Rec ep, but it did a great job of showing that things are going to keep on rolling.

ADAM: “Correspondents Dinner” was, indeed, low stakes. It seemed to me like the writers had a lot of one-liners that they wanted to try out and they just kind of formulated a plot around them. My biggest laugh came at the very start when Leslie and Ben gave out the gifts from their honeymoon. The remnants of an airplane trip (Skymall, peanuts, and ear buds) for Jerry and an autographed James Caan picture for Tom. Both of these episodes really showcased Tom and Jerry (see what I did there).

JOE: Tom and Jerry reference. Classic!!

ADAM: A childhood of television watching enables such references. Joe, what does Neve Campbell sound like? Have you considered impersonating her for your stand-up act?

JOE: My only idea of Neve Campbell’s voice is from Anna Faris being her in Scary Movie… so I assume she sounds like Anna Faris. My only criticism of the overall arcs at this point is what they’ve been doing with Andy. As impossible as it would’ve been, I’d have loved to see him as a rookie cop on the force.

ADAM: I completely agree, Joe. While part of me understood that Andy Dwyer could never feasibly be an officer (even in a zany town like Pawnee) I do think it would have been hilarious. I feel like, at the very least, he could be out on some special assignments with the force. You know, finding missing cats or things like that. He needs some validation at this point. If Barney Fife can do it….why not Andy?

JOE: Guest spots with Louis C.K. doing the rookie/experienced dynamic. The possibilities are endless!! It looks like they might have finally found a role for him to achieve in with the charity work though, which I think is important. He and April are my favorite dynamic on the show, and her slow but clear character growth has been fantastic, but it’s kind of left him looking underdeveloped by comparison.

ADAM: Andy is the same Andy as when the show began four years ago. Whereas everyone else on the show (with the exception of Donna and maybe Jerry) have altered who they are to a considerable extent. The Leslie Knope character of the first season is NOTHING like the Leslie that we know now. Ron is more sentimental, Tom has matured, even Chris Trager is more well grounded. It’s Andy’s time now. RIP Bert Macklin.

JOE: Exactly. Chris Pratt might be the funniest cast member, and certainly the best physical comedian and improviser, but it’s time to let Andy grow up a little bit and find his calling, like Tom and April have.

ADAM: Pratt’s days are numbered on basic cable, I fear. Zero Dark 30, Moneyball, and the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy. Pratt is destined for stardom. I hope that he has the career that Jason Segel should be having.

JOE: I’d love to see him turn into a blockbuster action movie star. Burt Macklin on the silver screen.

ADAM: Speaking of guest spots, nobody does it like Parks and Rec. For every terrible guest character arc that Greg Daniels has tried on The Office, he has nailed on Parks. Paul Rudd, Biden, McCain, Kathryn Hahn.

JOE: Parks and Rec has a very specific feel to its world, and the guest characters always feel like they belong there. They’re other citizens you just haven’t met yet, as opposed to celebrities pretending.

ADAM: I know that I probably shouldn’t, but I am really loving the Councilmen Jamm character. A complete buffoon to be sure, but the absurdity of the role has been one of the favorite parts this season and that blue warm up jacket with the giant tooth on the back was money. I’d love to stumble across something like that at Goodwill.

JOE: I love everything about him, going way back to the cigar club bit with Tom early on. I also love that he’s just this inexplicably mean dude who has it in for Leslie, who (as far as we’ve seen) has never really done anything to him to begin with. And yeah, he’s clearly been listening to Macklemore.

ADAM: Jamm is completely irrational and I completely on board with the guy. However, (you heard it here first) he will be sentimentalized very soon. Parks and Rec is not keep any Leslie foe around for too long. I’d give pretty good odds that he joins the department in some way by the end of the season or gives a hearty donation, so that some new structure/park can be erected.

JOE: Yeah, most of the “villains,” especially the election-based ones, are rounded out in some way. It’s one of my favorite things about the show, that strain of optimism and idealism.

JOE: So what kind of stuff do we expect for the rest of the season? I had heard early on this year was a shortened order, but I just checked and we’re only 15 episodes into the 22 episode season.

ADAM: Unfortunately, I think we are going to get a heavy dose of Ann’s maternal quest for sperm (poor wording). I would assume that Andy will flourish in his new charity work and there has to be some kind of a Leslie/Ben conflict. Ben will probably be paired with a sexy young intern and Leslie will object, you know, #newlywedproblems.

JOE: Yeah, I think the Ann plotline will get at least one more episode mostly devoted to it before it’s resolved. One thing I was thinking about is that childbirth is one of the few topics Parks and Rec hasn’t tackled, and while I can’t imagine they’ll get there this season without a timeskip, they may be setting up options for a hypothetical sixth season.

ADAM: Amazingly, I had never considered that until right now. You’re absolutely right though. I can envision this season ending on a cliffhanger where Leslie is holding positive pregnancy test right before the credits roll. I’m not sure the addition of a child would do the show any favors, unless Tom Haverford is allowed to babysit and then I am all in.

JOE: It’s kind of one of those things I’d like suggested more than shown. A season/series finale with a character prepping for a child is more powerful to me than a million episodes about redecorating bedrooms or picking names. Then again, Parks and Rec can make classics out of characters getting the flu, so I’m almost open to anything.

ADAM: Ann and Leslie in the hospital together, giving birth on the same day….powerful stuff. Unrealistic, but it would make for a nice story.

JOE: My ideal series finale has always ended with a flash-forward to Leslie being inaugurated as the first woman President of the United States, but I suppose being happy with work and family are okay too.

ADAM: A Six Feet Under finale-like flash forward would be pretty stellar. Showing all the characters twenty years in the future. Jerry has won the lottery, Tom is a fashion mogul, Leslie and Ben in the White House, and Andy is working with children somewhere (a logical fit).

JOE: Yeah, it’s the kind of thing that stretches your disbelief a little bit, but for these characters, I’m willing to stretch pretty far. I’m fairly certain that this season at least will end with Pawnee Commons opening, which I think is good. If this ends up being the last season, that long-running plot will be resolved, but if we get a sixth season, it’s clear that the show grew into something bigger than just Lot 48 a while ago.

ADAM: Anything else we need to cover?

JOE: I think we’ve got most of it. Good show, good talk.

Awesome!! Let us know if you enjoyed this, or if you think we’re idiots wasting our time here when Two Broke Girls is on, or whatever, in the comments below. See you next week!!

Welcome to Block Talk! This is a relatively new idea, spurred by a sudden influx of Lego purchases. I figured I may as well get a little more mileage out of them and post some reviews. The concept of Lego reviews isn’t new; YouTube is choked with video reviews of varying degrees of quality, but the Brothers Brick, a fanblog I follow, has done some nice ones in the past. Without further ado, let’s get into the meat of it!

For my first review, let’s look at The Ninjago Golden Dragon (70503, 252 pieces, $29.99). [EDITOR'S NOTE: The parentheticals indicate item code number, piece count, and suggested retail price, respectively.] I know almost nothing about Ninjago as a theme. Apparently it’s been adapted into a very successful cartoon on Cartoon Network, involves a top-based battling system, and seems kind of like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, minus the “mutant” and “turtle” parts. I’m not interested in the story, but I do have a fondness for brick-built (as opposed to one or two specialized pieces) dragons and monsters, so I picked it up. It was a simple but decently satisfying build. The color choices (gold and a deep green) were pretty, and I haven’t seen a lot of pieces in those colors before. Most of the articulation was hinge-based, which was both good and bad. On the one hand, it gives the Golden Dragon a defined pose and silhouette, which is cool, but it also limits broader poseability in a way that ball joints don’t. It’s a clear choice though, and I can’t fault then for that. The Golden Dragon’s head also contains a squeeze launcher, which seems like a pretty standard play feature on $30 sets.

The set comes with three minifigures and a small base. The hero minifigure, the Golden Ninja, is entirely gold plastic, which is an interesting look. He comes with a back sheath piece for a sword and a bitchin’ golden dragon sword, but unfortunately the sword doesn’t fit the sheath (I’m sure the more basic swords do). The set also comes with two demonic-looking villains: a smaller figure with the short, static legs used for Yoda and hobbits and a crossbow and quiver, and a full-sized guy with some intricate samurai armor and a clever brick-built hammer. The base is decent; it’s built in the villains’ red and black color scheme and comes with a couple of weapons and a pack of dynamite (a favorite piece of mine). It includes a small catapult, presumably to launch the villains up at the dragon. Lego gets a lot of mileage out of catapults in sets, and I’ve never found them to be that interesting myself.

All in all, The Golden Dragon was a decent build. It’s pretty as a model and has some playability, although not as much as I’d like. The minifigures and props are solid, and good for a collection. Worth checking out, even if you’re not a Ninjago fan.

RATING: 4/5 BRICKS

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are older than I am. Conceived in 1984 as a parody of current comic trends (particularly those of Frank Miller), the resulting movies and TV series launched its heroes to international stardom. The adventures of Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and Michelangelo were the biggest thing in the world for children in the early 1990s, rivaling Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny in name recognition. Since then, there have been numerous reboots and remakes, from an early 2000s cartoon to a CGI feature film. With the threat of a Michael Bay movie looming on the horizon, you might think that all of the juice has been squeezed out of this admittedly flimsy premise. But as Nickelodeon’s new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles take proves, there’s still some new tricks in this old dog.

The premise is the same as ever. Four pet shop turtles, mutated by a toxic ooze, are trained by a giant talking rat to use ninja skills to protect the city from aliens, mutants, and the evil Foot Clan and its leader, the Shredder. But what really sets this version apart is that it’s the first iteration of the characters that actually feels like a bunch of teenagers. There’s nothing wrong with the grinning jokesters of the late 80s-early 90s version, or the stoic superheroes of the more recent cartoon. But for a characteristic that takes up one fourth of the group’s name, it’s been consistently underrepresented. The turtles here joke with each other and roughhouse. They doubt themselves or get too cocky and make mistakes. There’s a clear family dynamic in play, with the turtles as a group of four brothers raised by their father, Splinter, and let me tell you, as the oldest of four brothers, it really speaks to me.

The show’s take on the turtles in general is good, but the standout character is Donatello (Rob Paulsen, trotting out the awkward nerd voice of his that was UBIQUITOUS in the 90s). Donny’s always been the mechanically inclined of the group, but here, his awkward charm and insecurity with his role on the team are ratcheted up several notches. Particularly painful is his crush on April O’Neil (Mae Whitman), the turtles’ human friend, who seems alternately oblivious and slightly exasperated by his affections. Watching him get laughed at by Leo (Jason Biggs), Mikey (Greg Cipes), and Raph (Sean Astin, of all people) has to be one of the most quintessentially teenage things I’ve ever seen. Donny also gets several episodes to shine as the main lead, which is nice, since most of the other turtles (especially Michelangelo) have been overused and overmarketed to death.

Admittedly, a lot of the show can be hit or miss. We’re living in a pretty good era of children’s cartoons, with shows like Avatar: The Last Airbender and Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated and whatnot, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (like a great many other shows) isn’t quite on that level. The animation is stylized and amusing, but it kind of falls flat when compared to a lot of CG today. The characters are great, but some of the threats and situations follow the kind of absurd Saturday morning cartoon logic people scoff at. The show is at its best when the stories spin organically out of the character’s personalities, and it gets weaker as they try to shoehorn in new characters and threats.

But all in all, I’ve enjoyed the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles much more than I expected. It’s hard to believe that after nearly 30 years of stories about masked talking lizards there’s new ground to cover, but that’s exactly what the show does. Honestly, I can only expect good things, both from the show and the future of the franchise. After all, if kids who grew up with the grinning slapstick of the 90s made something this genuine and developed, just think what the kids growing up with this show will make.

House of Cards follows Majority Whip Francis “Frank” Underwood (D-South Carolina) (Kevin Spacey), who has had a long, successful career in the House and was promised Secretary of State in the new Presidential administration. As the show opens, he’s informed that circumstances have changed, and the job will go to someone else. Underwood doesn’t like that one bit, and proceeds to bribe, blackmail and manipulate everyone he needs to in order to get what he wants. His willing and unwilling allies include his equally calculating wife, Claire (Robin Wright), hungry young reporter Zoe Barnes (Kate Mara), alcoholic Pennsylvania rep Peter Russo (Corey Stoll), and coldly sadistic assistant Doug Stamper (Michael Kelly).

The entire cast, from major players to one-off characters, shines, but Kevin Spacey’s performance is one for the record books. He affects an air of refinement and Southern hospitality, but drops it immediately and utterly in favor of either cold inhumanity or explosive rage. Underwood is the latest in a long line of prestige format drama anti-heroes, going back through Walter White and Don Draper to Tony Soprano. He’s yet another facet of our culture’s obsession with good- or at least appealing- people doing very bad things. Even a character as base as Dexter Morgan taps into this drive, this fantasy. But Underwood is different. There’s no righteous violence or lascivious sex (although there’s plenty of sex) to escape to here. The fantasy is one of power, explicitly. Power over other people. It’s a dark, twisted reflection of The West Wing: while on that show, characters inspired each other to rise to the occasion for the good of the nation, here Underwood tears and beats people down until they’re putty to build his own sphere of influence.

The show is slick and clean and pretty to look at, a marvel of cinematography and editing. David Fincher directed a couple of early episodes and serves as one of the show’s executive producers. The core device, though, that makes it so engaging is an unexpected one. Underwood regularly addresses the audience in non-diagetic monologues and asides. Breaking the fourth wall isn’t new. Shakespeare famously had Puck deliver the epilogue to A Midsummer Night’s Dream that way. But for the most part, it’s been reserved for goofy, young leads in things like Ferris Bueller’s Day Off or Saved by the Bell. Frank Underwood is neither of those things. His asides, although often humorous, are a glimpse behind the curtain at the evil person he really is. They’re the moments we get to know his thoughts, on a level even his closest, most trusted allies can’t. It also creates an inescapable sense of complicity in Underwood’s machinations. Merely by watching the show, we’re implicated in this corruption and subterfuge. No one’s hands are clean.

My only complaints with the series are with the format and release schedule of it. House of Cards was posted in its entirety on Netflix Instant Watch on February 1st. They company explained that so much of their audience watches whole seasons in only a few sittings that it made sense. A couple of my issues are comparatively petty; it’s much harder to avoid spoilers (especially when, say, you’re researching for a review), and a lot of my friends finished it before I did. But some of the pacing and tone issues of the show make it seem like it was still written with weekly airings over the span of a half a year or more in mind. It’s often difficult to gauge the passage of time between episodes, especially since it can vary quite a bit from one to another. I also feel like some of the “cliffhangers” or emotional beats of the show were dampened by the immediate availability of the next episode, and thus the resolution. But a lot of it just kind of revolves around the fact that the show is very, very dark.  As engaging and addicting as it is, it’s a lot of unpleasant stuff to watch. If you’re watching House of Cards over a weekend, prepare for a pretty bleak Monday morning.

But these complaints are more to do with the difficulties of adapting to new formats than with the show itself. Obviously this doesn’t carry much weight at the beginning of February, but House of Cards is the best show of the year, and the show I’ve been most excited about since Game of Thrones. If you like Breaking Bad, if you like The West Wing, if you like anti-heroes and cool cinematography and good television in general, I urge you to check it out. The entire 13 episode first season of House of Cards is available exclusively on Netflix.

THE BEST:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Rankin/Bass Christmas movies are kind of an odd bunch, because while they’re not always very good (The Little Drummer Boy and Santa Claus is Coming to Town spring to mind as misses), they’re pretty ubiquitous in the Christmas pop culture scene. Rudolph is among the best of them because it takes a pretty basic story with a moral (Don’t Be A Jerk) and expands it out into a kind of a coming-of-age odyssey. The Island of Misfit Toys, Hermie the Dentist Elf, and Yukon Cornelius all flesh out the world of the song well, and the animation and style of it are charming, especially for the time. It’s not a perfect special, but as movies based on novelty songs go, it’s one of the best.

Love Actually:A number of romantic comedies are set during Christmas, owing to the romantic nature of gift-giving and snow and whatnot. Love Actually takes this to the next level by running a half-dozen romantic comedy plots at Christmas on top of each other simultaneously. It’s a model that’s been imitated a ton recently in crappy Garry Marshall holiday movies, but it really works here because it nails a bunch of different tones. Hugh Grant and Martin Freeman’s storylines are cute and silly, but a quick one starring Laura Linney is brutal in its honesty and pain. No matter what flavor of romance you prefer, Love Actually has you covered. And if you only really like one or two bits, you can actually watch just those sequences on the DVD. Win-win!

Die Hard: This is an offbeat pick, but I love movies which just happen to take place mostly or entirely on Christmas (compare Gremlins, Batman Forever, and Three Days of the Condor). Die Hard is the Christmas Eve tale of a bunch of terrorists holding a company Christmas party hostage, and the one cop who can stop them. It stars comparatively young Bruce Willis versus an equally green Alan Rickman, and was one of the first action movies to really beat the tar out its protagonist by the end. It’s definitely one of my favorite movies, and hopefully it’ll gain some more acceptance as a Christmas classic. It’s not quite there yet: When I attended a Santacon (bar crawl in Santa and Christmas-themed outfits) recently in a bloodied John McClane outfit, I got more than a few sideways looks.

The Muppet Christmas Carol:Michael Caine as Ebenezer Scrooge would normally be enough to sell a Christmas Carol adaptation, but here it’s just the beginning. The Muppet Christmas Carol includes a number of familiar faces (Kermit as Bob Cratchit, Fozzie as Fezziwig), but it avoids the misstep of most “[BLANK] as Christmas Carol” adaptations by crafting new puppets and effects for the ghosts.  The result is a funny but still emotionally affecting take, with probably the creepiest Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come I’ve ever seen. Gonzo narrating as Charles Dickens is a fun bonus, and the musical numbers are clever enough. A good family choice, to offset my previous pick.

White Christmas: I wanted at least one “Christmas classic” on the list, but I’ve never been hugely enthralled by Miracle on 34th Street or It’s a Wonderful Life. I am, however, enthralled by Bing Crosby, and White Christmas is him at his crooningist, sad-eyedest, questionably sexist…ist best. An old fashioned Christmas musical with jokes that still feel surprisingly fresh, its simple but effective premise allows for a variety of musical numbers and clever set pieces. The “showbiz revue” nature of most of the numbers keeps it accessible even to someone who doesn’t like musical numbers, and it’s set in some pretty picturesque locales to boot. They’ve been showing it a lot on AMC of late, check it out if you don’t believe me.

AND THE WORST:

Four Christmases: I don’t know if I could name a movie I hated more than Four Christmases off the top of my head. It’s Vince Vaughan doing his basic “mean jerk we’re expected to like for some reason” schtick, but paired with a surprisingly obnoxious Reese Witherspoon and sent off into a comedy of errors-type tour of both their extended families, a rollicking series of stereotypes and grossout gags. I hated it so much I actually walked out of the theater about one and a half Christmases in, so I can’t tell you much beyond that. I did end up theater-hopping over to the end of Transporter 3 though, so I can talk about that for a sec. In this installment, Frank Martin has a bomb shackled to his wrist that will go off if he gets too far from his car, forcing him to find some inventive ways to kill people. It’s not very Christmasy at all, but it’s still was better than Four Christmases, so watch it instead.

O’ Christmas Tree: There’s not a whole lot to say about this one. It’s an animated special based on the song, about a poor widdle Christmas tree that just needs a good home. It’s sappy and saccharine in a way that I think people who don’t watch Disney movies think Disney is. I understand the inclination to avoid offensive or complex humor in children’s movies, but this sanitized wreck isn’t doing anyone any favors.

How The Grinch Stole Christmas:Before anyone freaks out, I’m not talking about the classic Chuck Jones animated adaptation of Dr. Seuss’ story. I’m talking about the live action Jim Carrey vehicle. If you’re still freaking out, you need better taste in movies, son. Jim Carrey’s make-up and costume are unpleasant and distracting, and he’s chewing scenery like he has an iron deficiency. Carrey’s never been the most subtle actor, but his capering and antics are out of place here, as is the whole bolted-on backstory they give the Grinch. The beauty of the original story is in its simplicity, and stretching it out to feature length with pratfalls was a mistake.

Christmas Shoes:Remember how I wasn’t a fan of overly sappy stuff? Christmas Shoes is a 2002 film adaptation of a 2000 Christian country song about a boy asking Jesus to buy shoes for his dying mom for Christmas or something, I dunno. It stars Rob Lowe in a poor late West Wing era career choice. It’s got all the low production value awkwardness of most made-for-TV films, but none of the inadvertent humor or fun. Skip this dour, dreary affair.

The Star Wars Holiday Special:The beginning of a long series of questionable decisions regarding the direction of the Star Wars franchise by George Lucas, the holiday special followed Han and Chewbacca back to Chewie’s home planet of Kashyyyk for “Life Day” (since we are long long before and far far away from the birth of Christ). On paper, this is the kind of thing I would love. Expanded Universe stuff? More Wookies? Yes please! But in practice, the treatment of Wookies is even more suspect than in the core series. George Lucas famously based Chewbacca on his dog, and with names for his relatives like “Itchy” and “Lumpy,” it shows. Getting bent out of shape over perceived racism against fictional aliens is an overreaction, but the whole thing is weird and unfunny. While featuring the first appearance of Boba Fett does redeem it ever so slightly, neither The Force nor Christmas spirit are strong with this one.

Anything I missed? Am I way off on the various merits of Christmas Shoes or Die Hard? Sound off in the comments, and God bless us, everyone!!

While I was posting about Regular Show, Adventure Time was unquestionably the elephant in the room. Adventure Time is one of the most popular cartoons on Cartoon Network, nay, on television, and has achieved probably the largest crossover appeal among adults of any children’s cartoon currently running. (The only competition I can think of would be My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, but Adventure Time has greater mainstream popularity outside of its fandom.) It’s emblematic of if not a revolution, at least a movement within children’s animation towards clever, distinctive design work, created by indie animators and zine comic artists to satisfy themselves, not their corporate bosses. Why had I jumped to Regular Show while ignoring Adventure Time?

Because the truth is, I wasn’t very fond of Adventure Time for a long while. I’ve been familiar with the series from the beginning, back when creator Pendleton Ward was shopping the pilot episode to Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network. It was amusing enough, but I felt like once you got over the humor of the absurd stuff that happens (Now he’s on the moon! With Abraham Lincoln!) and the slang gags, there wasn’t any depth. But I’ve recently gone back and watched a combination of current season and older episodes, and I’m willing to admit I wrote the show off too soon. What makes Adventure Time great is the way the show uses goofy characters and premises to get to deeper, sometimes transcendent truths.

Before I delve too deeply, let’s get some basics out of the way. For those who aren’t familiar, Adventure Time is a show about a 14-year-old boy named Finn and his best friend, an anthropomorphic shapeshifting dog named Jake. Finn and Jake live in the magical land of Ooo, populated by talking animals, candies, monsters, princesses, and whatever the writers feel like adding next. Finn and Jake are at odds with the Ice King, a crazy old wizard who kidnaps princesses to marry (among them is often Princess Bubblegum, Finn’s sometime love interest). It’s a whimsical premise that allows them to tell all different kinds of stories, from straight adventure or comedy to horror or noir-styled episodes.

But beneath the goofy catchphrases and colorful characters are stories that deal with the world in a real, often moving way. This season’s episodes, especially, have touched on some darker, more mature themes in a respectful and thoughtful manner. “Burning Low” is a story about young love, jealousy, and rejection. “All the Little People” deals with everything from playing god to sexual awakening to the dangers of letting hobbies become obsessions and identities. And last season’s masterpiece “I Remember You” discusses the pain of losing someone to Alzheimer’s or dementia, as well as the shared bond of living through war. These aren’t common themes on children’s television, even with the level of craft that’s developed over the past few years. The mark of Adventure Time‘s greatness is how it uses its silly recurring gags and characters to inform, move, and inspire.

On a technical level, the show is also pretty top-notch. The art style is relatively simple and allows for lots of movement and emotion, but there’s a good deal of style to it as well. Background characters are a delight, as are establishing shots or panoramic views of the world (“Return to the Nightosphere” has a particularly great one). The vocal cast is solid, with veterans like Hynden Walch and Tom Kenny putting in good work and comedians like Kumail Nanjiani, Marc Maron, and Maria Bamford making fun cameo appearances. The show also has a surprising amount of worldbuilding developed over the seasons, with tantalizing bits of history dropped every so often.

Adventure Time may not be the easiest sell for you. It wasn’t for me. But it’s definitely worth checking out. The creators are doing some great stuff on pretty much every level, and it’s a good thing for animation in general. Adventure Time is currently in its fifth season and airs at 7:30 pm on Mondays on Cartoon Network. Since it’s a Cartoon Network series, they’re dragging their feet with complete season DVD releases, but the first season just dropped so hopefully the rest will follow.

CLOUD ATLAS

I liked Cloud Atlas quite a bit for the sheer scope of it. It’s best synopsized as “Six visually stunning short films with broadly similar themes and the same cast in variously garish makeup, running together simultaneously.” The diversity of locations, effects, and especially tones (the story set in 2012 is largely a comedy in the vein of Monty Python, while the next story chronologically is a technicolor dystopian romance/tragedy) could have been too schizophrenic, but deft editing ties all of them together continuously while maintaining the right emotions for each. My only complaint is that after the wonder of these characters interacting and influencing one another over and over in different contexts wears off, the film is somewhat hollow. Statements like “love is good, freedom is good, selfishness is bad” apply here, but it’s not exactly groundbreaking stuff, and a film of this magnitude deserves themes that will be talked about along with technical proficiency. Still, it’s one of the most interesting film experiences I’ve had all year, and I’d definitely recommend checking it out sometime.

RATING: THREE STARS (OUT OF FOUR)

ARGO

As a fan of the Canadian Caper, I was really looking forward to this movie, and it did not disappoint. Argo captures the tension and stakes of the operation perfectly, and managed to keep me hooked and on edge even as I knew from the get-go how it would end. Ben Affleck’s eye for detail and period elements is great, and there are a number of phenomenal performances, especially by bit players like Bryan Cranston, Alan Arkin and John Goodman. Affleck’s acting is good but not great, but if a starring role for him is the price we have to pay to get movies like this and The Town, I’m more than willing to pay. A clear Best Picture contender.

RATING: FOUR STARS (OUT OF FOUR)

WRECK-IT RALPH

You can read my review in full here, but suffice to say I enjoyed Wreck-It Ralph immensely. Great characters, fun concepts, and although I think it loses a bit of imagination as it goes on, it’s a worthy addition to the Disney Animated Films legacy.

RATING: FOUR STARTS (OUT OF FOUR)

SKYFALL

I didn’t review Skyfall as much as I philosophized on it at length. If it wasn’t clear, I loved it. It’s the best Bond film in about two decades, and one of my favorites overall. Daniel Craig finally “becomes” James Bond, and the film establishes a clear way forward for a franchise which struggles to stay relevant. A treat for the eyes and ears.

RATING: FOUR STARS (OUT OF FOUR)

FLIGHT

I was glad to see Robert Zemeckis finally let go of his dream for all films to involve weird motion-capture animation, at least for now. That said, I was a little disappointed with Flight. I don’t know exactly what I was expecting, but it wasn’t what I got. This may have been as much my fault as the movie’s, but there it is. Denzel Washington does a great job portraying the realities of alcoholism, and the meditations on religious faith were interesting (and not something I’ve seen often in Zemeckis’ work), but overall this felt like a film taking a lot of time to say very little. The plane crash scene may be the most gripping sequence I’ve seen in theatres this year though, and I can’t stay mad at a movie with John Goodman as a freewheeling drug dealer for too long. (As a sidenote, can we get John Goodman as a small but scene-stealing role in every film from now on? Cool, thanks.)

RATING: TWO STARS (OUT OF FOUR)

LINCOLN

There’s a lot to like in Lincoln. Great performances by Daniel Day-Lewis, Tommy Lee Jones, and Sally Field, among others. A great score. Some beautiful cinematography. But at the same time, it felt like this movie was lacking something important. It’s rather myopically focused on the passage of of the Thirteenth Amendment, and it lacks the varied viewpoint characters teased by the opening scene, in the aftermath of a battle. It dives quickly and deeply into a political landscape almost totally alien to viewers in 2012, and is a bit dry and heavy to follow easily. My brother offered the comparison of “a really weird period episode of The West Wing,” which isn’t too far off. I didn’t come away from it feeling like I had any greater insight to Lincoln, the president, nor Lincoln, the man. But it does contain a number of rousing speeches and great character moments, and these are worth seeing at least the one time.

RATING: TWO STARS (OUT OF FOUR)